I don’t want today to start because I am terrified of what it might bring.
Sometimes I remind myself that I almost skipped the party, that I almost went to a different college, that the whim of a minute could have changed everything and everyone. Our lives, so settled, so specific, are built on happenstance.
I’ll consider myself accomplished when I can wear high waisted jeans without looking like a clown.
I’ve been spending a lot of time lately wondering if I am on the right path. I don’t know if my annoyances with “things” (not feeling the need to name names here) are stemming from disappointment in myself, because I’m doing the “wrong” thing for me, or because I need to just overhaul…. me. I feel like the theme of “fixing” myself is something I harp on constantly. And it is, because I feel like I never change anything. Change is hard…. and I’m doing okay for being mediocre….. but I don’t like being mediocre. I want to be better; I just don’t want to have to do the work (even though yes, I know, it is a requirement for being better).
A year ago I swore that moving home was temporary.
Every night when I’m trying to fall asleep I default to thinking about how horribly I’ve done everything lately.